If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
