I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
