I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
