**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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