Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
