as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
