he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
