a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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