brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She told me I should be a condom model.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
