btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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