that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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