He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
