so that wasnt chicken after all
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
