oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
