This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
