She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
