ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
