You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
