She went from zero to smokin in five shots
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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