paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
