I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
