We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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