life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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