i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
