So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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