Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.

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(425): View more from Washington

I proposed and she said yes man.

(1-425): View more from Washington

You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.

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(740): View more from Ohio

new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.

(419): View more from Ohio

you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.

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(310): View more from California

he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed

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(510): View more from California

Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.

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(702): View more from Nevada

I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.

(1-702): View more from Nevada

True on all accounts.

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(913): View more from Kansas

You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."

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(224): View more from Illinois

She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.

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