The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Sponge bath it is.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
