Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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