When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
