if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize