i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
