God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
