you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
