I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
