what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He shit in the fireplace
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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