HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
