This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
