I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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