Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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