Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize