I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
