No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
