dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
