then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
