woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
