I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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