are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
