sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
