pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
