jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
