And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
