If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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