Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I faked an abortion last night.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
