Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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