It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just want nice things and good sex
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
