The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
