I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
