It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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