worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Slut skills are useful in every country.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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