I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
