So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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