uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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