I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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