The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
