totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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