This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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