No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Can I color on your dick again?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
