just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
