Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
