Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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