i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
