That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
