You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
