dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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