Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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