I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
