I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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