If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
